Total Lotion Pumps

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Lotions and Tattoos

It has come to my attention that some people are unaware of the importance of lotioning your tattoos. Whether it be a question of how often to lather, or whether to lather at all, I'm here to clarify.  Lotion during the first couple of days is perfectly safe and may relieve the skin of the mild pain.  I will say though, care must be used when applying lotion during this period.  Three to four times a day is the most you should use, take it rather easy.  Thin layers, smooth caressing only. No brutish massaging of the epidermis.  After approximately six days, you should begin to ease yourself into your usual lotion habits over said area of skin.

Good Lotion

Friday, November 14, 2014

Lathering, A Quest

                  The last hero of the Lotionites remained; determined to obtain the gold lotion bottle before returning home.  He stayed for ten years in a cave on the Alps, watching the Lotion God's Temple and devising a plan to defeat Xuxu.  He made little progess, until one day....

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

The Lathering, a Quest...

The heros escaped xuxu, not by chance though. It was almost as though he let them escape. Upon further investigation they discovered their gold bottle was a fake exhausted the heros returned home, that is except for one...

Monday, November 3, 2014

The Lathering, A Quest...

The moisturized fiend went by the name of Xuxu, Lulu's son and heir to the lotion throne.
"You will not take my throne!" he thundered. The balmy brothers took the golden lotion and threw it into their knapsack, the ran straight between the legs of Xuxu. They turned around and saw Xuxu pull out his staff, made from pure gold lotion, with the first lotion bottle on the end. Spraying wet, lavender scented goodness of Lulu's secret blend of lotion.
"IT BURNS!" screamed Lotion my Beardmore, a low level lotion apprentice...

Tune in next time to find out the fate of the Lotionites

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

The Lathering, a Quest...

As the ground shook from under them, the floor collapsed and plunged the hero's into a black dark abyss... when the hero's woke they found themselves in the presence of the first lotion bottle, an ancient lotion that have only been seen by the creator…. Someone that even transcended Lulu… the creator of Vaseline and the base foundation of the modern lotion. Robert Chesebrough.

Yes indeed they have found a shrine in honor of this man that created the petroleum jelly. As they held the golden bottle in their hands all they did was see the bottle slip though their fingers as they walked towards the very first Vaseline case… BOOM! A gigantic man glittering in gold which seemed to be rejuvenating the once remnants of Lulu the lotion god. As he landed in front of the trio he shouted “STOP! That is MY treasure! No one will dare lay their hands on it!”

                                                                                                                Stay tuned…..

Monday, October 27, 2014

The Lathering, a Quest...

Thank you for tuning back in to The Lotion Quest. As we left Lulu, the Lotion God's temple, the way out didn't seem as familiar as the way in. After taking twists and turns that we didn't recall making before, we had come to the conclusion that we were lost, and our lotion supply was running scarce. At that moment we saw another temple, as if it were part of Lulu's. As if there was some sort of correlation between the two. We opened the large doors to the temple, and there it was. Pure gold lotion. Most sensual of all lotions. Upon picking it up off of it's pedistle, the ground began to shake. 

Stay tuned for the next addition to The Lotion Quest!!

Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Lathering, a Quest...

Entering the treasure room we find full shimmering bottles of irridescent lotion, fountains pouring glorious lotion in rainbow colors, the room smells like the essence of the gods.. It was majestic. One member of our expedition fell to the floor, we grew worried.. Rushed him through the mounds of treasure to the next room.. He stands up, looks past us & appears fine, you'll never guess what we find next! Tune in next time